Godspell

Godspell has truly gripped my heart forever. 

I am unbelievably honored to have witnessed something so wholesome, so intimate, so beautiful, and so powerful!

The kids we had the privilege of working with were exceptional. Our main character, Jesus, was played by a freshman! He did incredible. He worked so hard memorizing lines (basically the whole show is him quoting huge chunks of the book of Matthew). He was intentional, connecting with each cast member and stage crew. He would pray for people (including me - he came to my classroom before school of the Friday show to pray over me). He definitely shined the love of Jesus on that stage!

Our other main character, John/Judas (it's a Godspell thing), was played by a senior who I've known since he was a kid. He was hospitalized the week of the show with stomach pains. We were so concerned it was his appendix and that surgery would be coming. We reeled with that info and prayed, committing the show to the Lord again! Miraculously, surgery wasn't needed! We still aren't sure what made him so sick (I'm pretty certain Satan had a hand it some of the pain) but we are praising God for how God provided healing! The Wednesday before the show, we named our "contingency kids" and had them practice his lines. We ran it with the contingency kids Thursday and they absolutely blew me away! They were ready, in case! Friday night was the show and our Judas was there, ready to go. It was a trial night almost, to see if we thought he could do it the next day. He did great, but was still in some pain. But Saturday he did a really good job and was able to do all the shows!

Friday night, the room was crackling with energy.

No one knew what to expect. 

No one knew what was coming. 

It was electric!!!

The kids were fantastic ALL THREE SHOWS and I still smile thinking back to watching them on that stage, pouring their hearts out!

The matinee Saturday show had subtitles on the gym wall in Hungarian. There were probably a hundred people there. One of our Hungarian teachers in the Upper School (also an ICSB alumni I worked with in Fiddler on the Roof) gave a brief testimony at the end in Hungarian and was able to share the gospel.

Between the shows was probably one of my favorite memories. Kids rested, read, napped, played games, and chatted all around school. I was sitting in the upper part of our library where there was some air conditioning and had a bunch of students sitting around me as I crocheted. Several of the kids were students who joined us a few years ago from Ukraine and Russia, now seniors graduating from our school. I asked them, "Tell me the five minute version of (insert name)", although inevitably it became twenty minutes as they talked about their lives, dreams, memories of last homes, etc. Watching the other kids just sit and listen and hear each other's stories was magical and so memorable. 

Saturday night's show was running very high on emotions - it was the last one for everyone together as this family, and it was the last one for the seniors, period. The show ended, people rushed to the stage to hug and congratulate the cast, and tears flowed like I've never seen before. I have also never cried as much hugging the cast as I did that night.

Godspell...was over.

We were able to get together randomly a few times before the end of the school year, and it was beautiful to see their faces again! But it will never be like that ever again. 

Bittersweet, yet beautiful.

I've heard some amazing stories from those who came to see it.

-one new Hungarian family with younger kids came to see it as a family all three times. He works in the theater world and was completely amazed at the way the kids acted. He said it was real, not fake and put on. He also commented on their courage at being so authentic and vulnerable on stage and how it showed what ICSB is like for his son to see this kind of courage. His son has had a difficult year with a difficult class, but he has already seen the bravery blossom in his son since being at ICSB. I want to shout from the house tops, "That's Jesus!!!!!" A teacher that watched this family Saturday night said they sat long after it ended, with their hands covering their mouths, staring at the cast as they wept and hugged and celebrated on stage.

-as soon as the Friday show ended, the atheist mother of a former student came up to me and said, "That was absolutely powerful and so real! Thank you for all you did to make this show happen! Absolutely amazing!" And then came back the next night, too.

-I had parents of cast members come up to hug and thank me, with tears in their eyes, for the investment that was made in the cast this year. They agreed that they had never seen a show like this before and were so grateful their children got to be part of it!

-I was able to talk to three former students who I confiscated a soccer ball from before the show started (trust me, it's a whole deal with that class). I told them they could have it back after the show ended. They very respectfully came to collect the ball after and I asked them how they liked the show. All three boys (very tough and "cool") went on and on about how amazing it had been and how good the story was and  they told me their favorite parts of the show, sometimes agreeing with each other and sometimes coming up with other favorites!

-a local Hungarian mom (not at our school) and admin for a community Facebook group advertised for the musical, came with her family, and wrote to share how amazing it was! She said her teenage daughter came again with friends to see it Saturday night she loved it so much. She also asked to write an article about it for the local magazine and wanted to be able to quote what the Hungarian teacher at the end shared (aka the Gospel)!

-my first grade class was heavily invested because they were hearing from me about it for months in advanced. I was able to lace many of the teachings of Jesus into things we were learning about in the classroom. Then I was able to give them a sneak of the show saying, "in this story you'll see _ say this or do this to show this meaning". When our Judas character got sick, I told my firsties to be praying for him. They did! And they asked daily how he was doing! When I was packing them up at the end of the day on  Friday, I reminded them of show etiquette in case they came back timings, and one boy cried, "it's tonight?!?" Admin the next breath asked "Is Judas going to be able to be there? Is he ok?" I immediately started crying because of his genuine love and concern for these "big kids"  and I told him yes he would be there to do the show tonight. I thanked him for praying and he told me that he and his brother had been praying every day for Judas!

-during the show week, I knew the cast could use some encouragement, so we wrote cards to each one of them in class with Bible verses and pictures. I had each cast member assigned to different students and their names must have stuck fast into their heads. We took the cards into the gym, found their costume boxes, put the cards in, and sat down to pray for the cast. Then, as I would mention names of the cast during the week, a kid would pipe up and say "I wrote to Mira!" Or "I wrote Stephen!" So, whenever I would see my students in the audience, I would tell the cast, "that's one of mine and they prayed for you a lot this week!" The intro of the show this year was very different then normal because the cast filtered into the gym and spread out chatting with people, since it was supposed to look like a park, before the actual show started. I got the privilege of watching the "big kids", with tears in their eyes, walk over to a firstie, squat down and introduce  themselves, and thank the littles for praying for them. I was proud of them, all around! 

-the Tuesday after the musical, one of my firsties came to school and told me, "I was reading my Bible this weekend and I started reading Matthew." I told him how wonderful that was because it's all about Jesus. Then I said, "You know, most of what was said in the musical is from Matthew." He responded matter-of-factly, "I know...that's why I chose to read it." 

-three cast members (including Jesus and Judas) chose to spend a lunch break in the third grade class talking about what God did in their own lives through the musical.

- we received a signed and framed "family picture" of the cast as well as a handmade beaded bracelet that represented the costume colors of the kids in the family photo. Treasures.

-several cast members came and told me that they almost didn't do the musical. They said what caused them to stick it out was us teachers encouraging them and talking about what an amazing opportunity this would be. They 100% agreed that it was worth it!

-never have I ever seen such a unified and tight-knit cast! It was unbelievable! I heard from the Upper School principal that when Judas was in the hospital, the cast messaged each other and met on the stage in the gym to pray before school started that morning! What a group!

There are more stories, I'm sure. 

As we sat and had lunch together the week after the show sharing some of these stories, one boy sadly commented about how he missed it. It was something that brought us all together. Yet the stories were decreasing. The ripples were fading.

I smiled and said,

"Yes, the stories of how it affected people are not happening as often now and yes the ripples may be fading. We will go our separate ways, and it will never be quite like this again. But this is your reminder to pick up another pebble and start making new ripples for Jesus in another way. The story isn't over."

Choosing joy...

As I sit at the kitchen table of a friend's house, with a cool summery breeze blowing through the room and a giant snoring German Shepherd sleeping peacefully at my feet, I am at peace.

This summer has been a whirlwind summer, with about six weeks spent Stateside, where I tried to juggle the precious balance of time with family and visiting with others. When I returned to Hungary, my body and mind were completely exhausted - spent. It took days for me to get my feet back under me. Maybe that's a sign that I'm not as young as I used to be. I don't know.

I was given by the good Lord many incredible opportunities to meet with people and share about my life and what God has been doing in Hungary. This continues to surprise me - because I am just an ordinary person that happens to have lived internationally. In my mind, it's not that special. But sometimes I forget some of the incredible complexities that make up my life - as an MK in Central and South America, and as an adult living in Europe.

One amazing opportunity I had this summer was a chance to be the mission speaker at a camp in South Alabama - Camp Victory. I had heard about it from my best friends who had gone there as kids. Then I connected with the program director while speaking at his church two years ago. I showed up with not a clue what was in store for me that week aside from I would be leading a daily mission time and teaching a small group bible class. Man, was I blessed by what I had the privilege to experience that week!

Back in January, I was asked what I wanted to do my small group Bible class on. Camp was six months away...I didn't have ANY clue what I wanted to teach on, and a whole lot left in the school year before camp! But I asked the Lord, What part of my story can connect to the Bible enough to pull a theme? And I clearly heard back - CHOOSE JOY.

So, I thought, Well...ok.

The Lord knew I needed to spend some intentional time researching and studying what joy looked like in God's Word, to ground myself in the truth. It almost frightens me of the reason why He might want me to know that. But I must trust, regardless of the mountains or valleys that may come my way.

Through reading devotionals and articles about joy, I came across this definition that I liked best: 

Joy is a lasting emotion that comes from a choice to trust that God will fulfill His promises.

Read that again.

I learned as I taught those middle school girls. Joy is not just about being happy because good things are happening around you.

Joy is a deep seated choice to trust that God knows what He's doing and He is trustworthy.

Paul David Tripp talks about 2 kinds of joy: horizontal joy and vertical joy. Horizontal joy is based on circumstances, relationships, finances, etc. We are happy because good things are happening around us. But if our joy is in those things, when we are shaken our joy will vanish!

Vertical joy is based on God. His trustworthiness. His faithfulness. His sovereignty. His unchanging character. If our joy is vertical then when we are shaken (not if, but when), He is unchanging and that gives us solid peace. 

It does not mean, however, that we do not need to show sorrow. It is important - even essential - to grieve and lament. Do not ignore or suppress that sorrow because "I'm supposed to be happy". It is an acknowledgment that what has happened has been hard and it has hurt. Joy comes after (and maybe in the midst of) sorrow. It is the hope that we hold on to when our broken world falls apart yet we fix our eyes on Jesus and the promises of eternity!

Sometimes we have to choose to be joyful as we wait for something - to change, to end, to come. Worship while you wait. A post on Instagram by Ann Voskamp caught my eye the other day. It said, "Waiting is just a gift of time in disguise - a time of prayer wrapped up in a ribbon of patience - because is the Lord ever late?" Waiting is just a gift of time in disguise... Now that's a good reminder.

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth said in her book Heaven Rules, 

"You and I will never lack opportunities to share and live out our witness, demonstrating what's different about a person who follows our God, and making His reality difficult for others to refute. The Lord will make sure of this, simply in the flow of His rule in your life. And if you'll start each day already certain that you'll give Him worship when difficult moments come, no matter how you're challenged or how you feel, your testimony to your God will speak volumes."

Deciding now - in the calm, in the good, in the easy - that when life turns hard, I will rejoice anyways.

 

"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." - 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

"Rejoice in the Lord always, again I will say, rejoice." - Philippians 4:4

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trails of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness." - James 1:2-3

"This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." - Psalm 118:24

"Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer." - Romans 12:12

"Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. God, the Lord, is my strength; He makes my feet like the deer's; He makes me tread on my high places." - Habakkuk 3:17-19 

"Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love Him." - James 1:12

"He Who calls you is faithful; He will surely do it." - 1 Thessalonians 5:24

"Now to Him Who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen." - Ephesians 3:20-21

He is a promise-keeper, friends. Cling to the hope of Jesus.

Grieving, yet hoping...

 

It's been 4 days.

I have not wanted to write anything because then it has become "final". But my desire to write (or not write) does not actually change the outcome or the reality of the situation. It only causes more pain in my own heart as I wrestle with this new reality.

Stephanie has died.

Those three words just caused my heart to break afresh and tears flow down my face. It just can't be real?! I find myself whispering again and again.

But the harsh reality is that it is real. Painful. Heartbreaking. Lonely. Broken.

Stephanie died on Good Friday. 

When someone dies that you are close to, thoughts of life after death slam straight into you. Because now you have personally been affected by death. There will be a void where that person once was. There will be empty chairs, an empty office, a silence where there once was laughter. This won't change, because no one will ever take the place of that special person. So there will be many times in the future where I know my heart will weep anew as I come across something of which Stephanie was once a part.

As a teacher...

Seeking guidance in her office. Running ideas and questions by her because she was calm and wise. Ranting to her as she helped to "talk me off a cliff" (more than once) regarding classroom stuff. Sharing Soup Monday with her and the other teachers. Just sitting in her office during some down time to chat and laugh (or eat chocolate from the basket in her office).

But also as a friend...

Curled up on her couch watching old Doris Day movies with her. Playing games after dinner with her family (and always trying to embarrass JT). Asking advice on life decisions. Sitting by the Christmas tree listening to Christmas music. Running up the stairs and into her arms sobbing when I found out my best friend's mother had unexpectedly passed away. Seeing her love for all things Disney (and also minions). Smiling at the students' confusion when she "wore her hair down" (maybe once a year). Watching her take her closer down so she can look closer at something. Listening in on a call back to her family and laughing at how some things in our two families are the same (like burning things or shooting things when the family gathers). Enjoying taco sandwiches or sloppy-joes - or best of all, her cinnamon rolls! Sitting beside her watching Haley play basketball. Sitting with her family at church during Christmas time. Having late night conversations when I would crash in their guest room.

But there is also hope.

"as sorrowful, yet always rejoicing..." (Eph 6:10a) - I have watched some other dear friends walk through loss in the past four years, and this verse has cropped up multiple times. There is no negating sorrow and pain in death. Our world is broken and full of heartache because of sin entering the world long ago. Death is painful - because we were not meant to die. We were meant to live forever in the presence of our Creator God. But when humanity became corrupted by sin, that perfect part of creation was broken. And now, death stains every part of our life on earth. That's why it hurts so much. Because it isn't how we were made to be. But God had a plan of redemption, and He didn't leave us broken without hope. Jesus came. Jesus took all the punishment that we deserved, bearing it and all God's wrath for 3 days. And then, God said, "That is enough. You have paid the price. It is finished and My wrath has been satisfied." (My paraphrase, that is not written in the Bible) And Jesus, being God, raised Himself to life again.

In His resurrection, we have hope!

That is why I can keep going right now. Not because Stephanie's death doesn't hurt me (because it definitely does hurt). But instead because I know my Redeemer lives and that Stephanie is in His presence - whole, rejoicing, singing praises to the King of Kings. And also, because I know that the same Jehovah she is praising that is seated on the throne of Heaven is also the same Jehovah Shammah - God who is there - that is with me, and with her family right now. The same God who allowed His perfect Son to take my place (and your place) on the cross - bearing my sin and my shame because He loves me. That God is walking through this sorrow with us. 

In 1 Corinthians 15:26 it says, "The last enemy to be destroyed is death."

And then verse 54b-58 says, "Death is swallowed up in victory. O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting? The sing of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain."

Death did not beat Jesus. And in Jesus, we will have victory over eternal death and separation from God. Yes, our bodies will die, but that is not the end!

Stephanie's life was not in vain.

Stephanie's death was not in vain. 

My sorrow is not in vain.

My life, if I live it for the Lord, will not be in vain. 

So as I grieve, I cling to hope and to the verse God gave me when Stephanie was hospitalized and put on a ventilator 3 weeks ago:

"My eyes are ever toward the Lord..." (Psalm 25:15a)

 

Sunkissed in Cyprus

That was what we were hoping for! And God was gracious and gave us a few days of blissful sunshine!
Cyprus was gorgeous! It was exactly what I needed. I hadn't realized just how much stress I had been carrying from school and life, until I felt it start to roll off me when we got to the island.

My mind cleared.
My body relaxed.
My heart calmed.

Your well-being is important. You have to find ways to get rest in order to keep from burning out. I don't mean, you need to remove yourself from all situations that require work. That is what God has called us to do - work (Matt 16:24). But Jesus Himself also demonstrated the importance of rest (Matt 14:23). There needs to be moments of rest, but those are all to help us keep working for the Lord! If we never find ways to rest, that's when we burnout to the point of not being useful for the Kingdom. Rest is important.
[I like this article, really because they put the first thing first: rest time with God! I like this article because it explains the importance (and sacrifice) of Sabbath. If you find yourself struggling with the idea of rest, read this. If you wrestle with working when you should rest, and resting when you should work, read this. And last, as I read this article and heard this song playing in my head.]

Now, I will show you what "rest" looked like for my in Cyprus, enabling me to get back to my job of investing in the hearts of the students at my school.

The first day was rainy off and on, but it was still a blast. Fairly steady temperatures even in the rain. Coolish water. Overcast skies. But a delightful day. We walked over ten miles - my knees and feet definitely felt it!
We took the bus from Ayia Napa to Konnos Beach and then walked the way back.

We swam in the water at Konnos Beach, even though the skies were stormy and gray.

We hiked to the Cyclops Caves, dodging rain and snacking along the way.

Then we hiked all the way to Cape Greco. I feel like the landscape is similar to the lands of the Bible and it was pretty amazing to hike along rocky trails, imagining Paul or other disciples walking similar paths.

Cape Greco is supposedly the easternmost point of Europe. Turkey isn't considered Europe and the northern part of the island is Turkish. [We were told that on a clear night, you can look across the sea and see the lights of Syria]

The views were lovely, even with the overcast skies.

We stopped into a few more caves on the way and saw a natural bridge.

We ate a delicious hot "mix" sandwich from a sandwich truck (we were recommended to do that, but we think we got it from the wrong truck...eh, oh well.).

And we walked. And walked. And walked. And walked.

The next day started with a crazy big storm, but then the skies gloriously cleared and we hiked down to Nissi Beach - which is the big tourist beach. I see why, because it's lovely!

The water was nothing short of magical! Cool but clear and so relaxing! Shallow for a long way out and protected in a little bay. It was pretty busy, but it was worth it! We soaked up some sun, playing in the water, and just relaxed. Delightful.

 Finished the evening off with a posh fish meze dinner at En Yevo - TOTALLY recommend this place! (Insert heart eyes emoji)
This was our little visitor friend - the waiters are so sweet to the cats, and yet the cats don't even get in the way!
And this is just a sample of our scrumptious fish meze!

The following day we basically did the same thing, and it was totally worth it! We needed that rest - at least I needed that rest. It was beautiful to see the creation God made in Cyprus and how different it is from Budapest. He is an incredibly creative and amazing God, to have made such different climates and cultures. It's marvelous that He allows us to enjoy it!

The trek back on Sunday was a little bittersweet - I could have stayed and soaked up some more sun and sand (and good food). I know it was the perfect amount of time though - it was enough rest that I felt renewed, but not too much to where I felt lazy and unmotivated to work. God is good. I felt a renewed joy in teaching when I returned that I honesty hadn't realized I had lost. It's easy to get bogged down in the trenches and to not even realize how "unhealthy" you've gotten.

I am grateful that I was able to get away, rest, and fellowship with Anna. I am also thankful to have been able to spend undistributed, uninterrupted, indefinite time with the Lord without having to abide by a schedule! 
I only needed a few days of that to feel rested and rejuvenated - ready to tackle the next things God has for me!